It’s quite ironic that this is my post title today, “Who Am I?” as I started this blog nine years ago with the title Knowing Who You Are because of my passion to help women find their identity. I write to you today from a completely different place. It’s not one of not knowing who I am but trying to figure out what to do with who I am and the complexities that come with being a human being. I am not just one ‘thing’ but I am a combination of so many things. God made us that way for good but it can do quickly turn into a bad thing for so many of us. Have you heard the saying, “If the devil can’t get you to sin, he’ll keep you busy”? It’s true, we get too busy and distracted from God’s purposes for our life. I am guilty but want to get out of this trap!
So my current dilemma is how to be a successful businesswoman and a great wife and mother? I love playing house, cleaning, cooking, gardening, sewing and all those lovely activities. I also love being the businesswoman that I am which means I work full time. I also love serving God and want to get to know my neighbours, get involved in the local church and community doing my part to make the world a better place. I could go on and to be honest I don’t think what I am saying is very different from what you would say. Some women have a clear identity – they don’t like to play house or they don’t like business – they lean strongly to being a housewife or strongly towards being a businesswoman but what if you are very much both – equally divided? What if you want to do all the housey stuff and all the business stuff? There are only 24 hours in each day and I want to spend 24 hours each day on both plus other stuff, for example, I miss being involved in politics so much and would love time for personal hobbies too!
If you have followed my When Church Hurts posts you will also know that I have not been involved in a church for a while too and fear taking that step back into church life again this year as it equals more busyness. You will say to me that it doesn’t have to but honestly going to church isn’t God’s plan for us but being a part of the church is. Perhaps I will write about that next as I have observed so much from both sides.
I can’t do anything half measure! If I give myself to something I give my all. So who am I or am I all of these things but have to figure out how to make it work?
So this morning instead of jumping into work I am doing something for me first, I am writing this post. It is a small step but it is one that I hope will help me figure out this identity crisis, this schizophrenia! I want the world to slow down, to stop spinning so fast so I can find my balance. But alas it won’t so how do I find balance and peace amidst all that life demands of me? I have more questions than answers. I do know the theory and you are probably going to pounce at me with time management tips, or sound scriptural advice of putting God first and the rest will fall into place or other valuable and true advice. The chances are I have heard it, tried it and believe it to be true. But still, I find myself in this place. This doesn’t mean that I cannot learn from you – definitely share your best advice, I certainly don’t know it all.
Yesterday I met with my business mentor and he clearly said I am doing to much in my business. If he knew the rest of my life he would fall off his chair and say I am definitely doing too much. I have always done too much, it’s just how I roll. I don’t want to be like this but equally I love being like this. I don’t have a problem saying no, that is not the problem. I actually like everything I do and want to do more, that’s the problem.
So join me this year as I explore this question in a very real way – no more theory of what works but a very deep and real look at who I am really and what that means I should do with my life. Tell me what you struggle with and if you have anything that has worked for you please share it too. I would love to know that I am not alone on this journey.
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