As much as I don’t want to write about this subject I know that I should. I don’t want to write about it because I like to leave the past behind me and not dig up things that can be difficult to talk about. On the other hand I know that so many people are struggling silently out there and it would be plain selfish if I didn’t share my journey with you. My journey covers a life long struggle between loving life and hating life, between wanting to live life to the full and wanting to die. I don’t have all the answers but I do have a few ideas of what really has helped me and I can honestly say that I love my life now! This book, Hope’s Journey, is the second book that covers my path away from depression and into the beautiful life God has given me.
Before I get into this though, I do want to make it clear that when I offer solutions they are purely what worked for me. My ideas are not going to work for everyone and my views are not medical ones. My deepest desire and my prayer is that this book will help you to find freedom and show you a way to love your life too.
My first real experience with depression as about 10 years ago when I was 26 years old. I may have suffered a bit as a teenager but that’s a bit of a blur so am not sure if that was depression or just normal teenage struggles. When I was 26 I started to lose my zest for life, I had no motivation and couldn’t see anything exciting about life or my future. There was no real reason for this on the outside but something wasn’t working well on the inside. I cried all the time, often for no real reason – I just felt really sad. I think perhaps in the past I had actually faced depression but in order to find my zest for life I went astray.
This time astray was spent seeking fun to fill the emptiness I felt inside. Much to my shame and disappointment I got into all sorts of things that must have really hurt God. Looking back now though I see that it was all based on a search for some meaning in my life. Sadly I never found any meaning in all the “fun” I was having, only more hurt and pain to add to my already dull existence.
At the time when I faced the same lack of passion for life yet again I went to see a psychologist. Thankfully one of my close friend’s husband was a psychologist and he offered to see me, if it weren’t for him I am sure I would have ended up going down the same old path of self destruction yet again! He did an amazing job of helping me see my life differently. He helped me understand some of the things I was facing and did mention the possibility of anti-depressants.
I decided to first try a few things on my own before going down the medication route. There is no shame in taking the medication route at all but I asked God for keys for me and this is the journey He took me on.
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