Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.
This beautiful selection of words is from the Bible in Proverbs 5:18-19 which speaks of how a man should delight in his wife sexually. Sex was made for our pleasure. We are to delight in each other and to experience great pleasure. If your sex life is not achieving this then you need to take action. Don’t settle for less. Don’t believe that sex is simply one of your matrimonial duties, your wifely chores. God designed sex so that we can enjoy each other intimately.
Sex is marriage. In my opinion your marriage certificate doesn’t make you married but the first time you have sex you become married. There is nothing else that makes a man and a woman married. Sex is the most important part of a marriage. Have you ever heard of a couple getting divorced but saying that the sex was great? Of course not, it doesn’t exist! Our sex life is the part of our marriage that represents the health of our marriage and the health of our intimacy. Sex is what takes two people and makes them one. Sex was God’s idea!
Let’s take a look at what God had in mind when he made sex and let’s try and get our marriage as close to the original design as possible. Forget what you have seen on TV and in the movies, it’s not real.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Key #1 – Be Naked Together
Being naked together was God’s idea and it is wonderful. Before you even begin to get into the act of sex, start with enjoy each other by being naked together. Do you and your husband spend time together being naked? Do you love each other and touch each other all over long before you get busy with sex? Start building a strong, healthy sex life by simple spending time together being naked. Don’t rush it, enjoy some naked time together.
Men are visual; they are stimulated by what they see. As his wife you can either fill his mind with images of you naked or you can allow movies, TV, magazine advert and billboards to fill his mind with images of naked women. Make sure you are regularly showing your naked body to him, allow him to spend time looking at you. Be playful, tease him, stand in front of him naked but don’t let him touch you, surprise him by being naked in an unexpected place like in the kitchen!
Being naked is extremely important so be creative and come up with ways to fill your husband’s mind with images of you naked. Help him not need to look elsewhere, help him to be satisfied with what is already stored up in his mind.
Women of course are less visual and more physical. Ask your husband not to rush cuddles and times of physical touch. Explain to him that you need as much naked physical touch as he needs visual stimulation. Some women need more that others, but don’t expect your husband to automatically know what you need, tell him your needs.
Lastly, don’t be too shy to look at your nakedness with your husband. Truly satisfying sex starts in the mind. If you want to have a great sex life, fill your mind with sexual thoughts when you are having sex. It might seem like I am stating the obvious but how many times has your mind wondered off during sex to your task list, or the dishes that need washing or the plans you have for the next day? Keep your mind on sex during sex. The best way to do this is to look at your nakedness. Watch his hand touch you, look at the muscles in his body move as he moves over you, take time to look at yours and his nakedness so that your mind stays on sex.
One final thought on nakedness, protect your mind and your husband’s mind. The devil is just waiting to flash an image of another naked woman in front your husband’s eyes. Take care of each other and of your sex life by avoiding places and situations that offer images of other people naked. Make a decision not to watch movies or read magazines that you know contain nudity. Understand that if you don’t bother to do this, you are affecting yours and his ability to enjoy sex.
Key #2 – Be Unashamed
Do you feel ashamed in your nakedness? Do you hide your body from your husband because you feel fat or ugly? Do you have scars, defects or are you just plain uncomfortable being naked around him? We need to enjoy being unashamedly naked – that was the blessing of God before we messed it up and had to cover up with fig leaves. We cannot enjoy sex if we are not comfortable with our bodies.
To truly enjoy sex you need to become unashamed of your body. Rather than spending time trying to find more exiting sexual positions, start with spending time being naked and being comfortable with your bodies. Explore each other’s bodies, help each other feel unashamed. Keep the lights on and look at each other, look at yourself. Before you can experience the true pleasure of sex with your husband you both need to get to the place where you are unashamed.
Your husband will enjoy watching you get dressed or undressed, don’t be annoyed with him and don’t be ashamed. Take time to dress in front of him, purposefully make sure you are getting his attention. Shower together, bath together, do things together that encourage being naked and unashamed. It is these simple things that will enhance your ability to enjoy sex.
Key #3 – Communicate
Too often we expect our husband to read our minds. We find sex unsatisfying and blame him for not knowing how to satisfy us. The solution is simple, tell him what you need, guide his hand to touch the right places, take time to talk before or after sex about what works and what doesn’t.
Don’t tell him he doesn’t satisfy you, it will crush him and disable him as a man. The harshest thing you could ever say to a man is that he cannot satisfy you sexually. Be kind, help him to help you enjoy sex.
There is always Genesis 3:1 just around the corner which comes directly after Genesis 2:25, “Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman…” Don’t allow the devil to communicate with you! This is where it all went wrong in the first place, the women listened to what the devil had to say. The devil is much more subtle that you even realise! Facebook often has images popping up on my newsfeed of things that I don’t want to see. Jack Wills catalogues are highly charged with subliminal sexual messages to sell their products.
Most advertisers will admit that sex sells. They know that we are sexual beings and use it to the max to make a sale. Advertisers use this knowledge by trying to associate their products with sexy metaphors, hoping that you become aroused and attach this feeling to their brand in your subconscious mind. It is so subtle you wouldn’t even know that it has happened until you find yourself thinking about it in your bed with your husband.
It is possible that you don’t relate to this, as men are more affected by the visual side of things than we are, but what about women pornography? Not guilty you think? Women porn is not a glossy magazine full of naked men, it is much more subtle. Romantic fiction, novels, anything that put images in your mind of the perfect guy! It’s not real, it’s a lie and it sets up your sex life for failure. The devil is communicating to you through these books, arousing you sexually through lies and making you expect things from your husband that is not real. Don’t be fooled, women reading secular romantic novels is just as damaging and men looking at porn magazines – they both put lies into our mind and create unrealistic expectations of each other. Keep your sex life pure by not allowing the devil to communicate with you.
Ask God to protect you from the subtle plans of the devil, ask Him to make you blind to the things of this world so that you can protect your marriage bed as he commanded in Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled”
Sex is a beautiful and pure thing created by God for us to enjoy. Make it your mission to find ways to keep your sex life pure, your marriage bed undefiled so that you can have the maximum pleasure from your sexual relationship with your husband. God designed sex for pleasure so when we experience pleasure within our marriage we are pleasing God.
Find out more about Being a Wife here or about hosting your own Girl’s Night here.