It hit me like a ton of bricks! He was right after all, I did complain a lot. My heart was sore because this was the exact opposite of the kind of wife that I wanted to be. How did I get there, when did it start, why did I let my guard down and allow it to start in the first place. Well I had no idea where it had begun but I knew that it had to stop! There was no way I was going to tolerate me being a complaining wife and I most definitely was not going to be a nagging wife. So I took firm and decisive action. Strangely enough, I had read a verse about that precise thing just that morning, perhaps God tried to tell me but I couldn’t hear Him and so He had to speak through Eric, which was much more painful to hear.
Do all things without complaining and disputing,
This is the verse I had read in the morning and then Eric said that I complained too much in the afternoon, after a full day of me complaining. Needless to say I was ashamed of the wife I had become. Sadly, many wives end up this way and drive their husbands insane, leaving them to feel totally inadequate and completely drained of any sort of energy to bother to try any more.
One thing I loved about Eric was how hard he tried to be a good man, a good husband, a good father and a good leader. When I realised that I was complaining I instantly became fearful of disabling him and losing the love of the great man that I truly did admire. I have seen disabled men. They are a very sad sight, their wives have literally ‘pestered them daily with their words and pressed them, so that their soul was vexed to death’, just like Delilah did to Samuel in Judges 16. These men lose their strength and their will to carry on, they give up on being the man that God has called to be and live simply to survive each day of nagging and complaining. The Bible speaks clearly about this sort of woman and I can assure you that it’s not attractive at all.
Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.
A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike;
A woman that complains about her husband is robbing him of his potential. For example, if you are constantly complaining, saying to him,
“You are lazy!”
In time he will begin to believe it and will be lazy. But, if your husband is lazy, rather than telling him he is lazy, inspire him with positive suggestions. For example,
“Darling, I am so grateful when you work hard for us and make our home nice by fixing things.”
I guarantee you that he will attempt to fix something around the house with a smile on his face shortly after hearing those positive words. Men are literally disabled by our complaints; they make him feel that he is not good enough as a man. When he hears the same complain over a long period of time he eventually gives up even trying because he truly believe that he is who you say he is.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
You can make or break your husband with your words and you can damage his future and his hope with your words too. We all do it, we all complain at times, but we can all do something about it. Choose to be a wife who does not complain but uses her words to build her husband according to his needs, that it may benefit him. Determine to be a woman who does all things without complaining and disputing.
Find out more about Being a Wife here.