“I can’t do this, it’s too hard!”
“Well I am going to do it because I have decided that I can.”
“But it’s too painful, surely I will die if I keep going!”
“Nope, I will push through, I will run until that tree over there no matter what it takes.”
This was my conversation with myself one morning. I had set a goal for where I was going to run to but half way there I wanted to quit, I was running out of breath and my legs were turning to jelly. The goal was in sight though, near the end of a very long and very beautiful Cotswold country lane. I decided not to quit! No matter how my body felt or how much moaning I was doing in my mind, I had to reach that tree. So I ran without quitting. Then it happened. You always hear of it but I experienced it, I broke through the wall. Now I am sure it wasn’t anything like a real runner’s breakthrough as I don’t run very far at all, never-the-less, it was a breakthrough for me through an invisible wall. It was as if there was literally something keeping me back and once I had broken through it, I was free! I could run and run and run, it was wonderful. The tree came and went and I still wanted to run, when the road came to an end I turned around and ran some more. It was a sweet victory and a precious freedom. Excitement filled the air as I found the breakthrough I so longed for. I knew that from this point forward things were going to get better and I was going to be a brand new runner, one that actually ran for more than five minutes at a time ha ha.
Why am I sharing this with you? I thought it was a stunning metaphor for how we can find freedom as women. Too often we settle for less or we give up before we become all that we can be. Excuses pile up. Busyness takes over. We stop believing that we can be anything more than we already are. Condemnation attacks us. So we don’t bother, we settle for less and accept that this is how things really are. It’s a lie, we can be free, we can break through the wall. Who do you believe deep down inside that you really are? Who do you want to be? What areas are you fighting for breakthrough in? Don’t quit, keep believing in yourself, it is likely that those desires are things that God put inside of you and He wants you to succeed in them.
One of my deep desires is to have a quiet and gentle spirit. When I first read this verse
in the Bible I was enraptured by it because of the words that came next – ‘which is very precious in the sight of God.’ If God finds this precious then I want it! I have prayed for years that God would work this into me, that I too would have this spirit that is pleasing to God. Every time I loose it with the kids or shout in an ugly way I am so disappointed in myself, but I don’t give up, I keep trying because this is who I want to be and this is one of the things that I want to define me.
Another one of my deeps desires is to sing beautifully. Although I have already recorded an album I know that I am not the best singer – YET! But I really want to be and not only to sound good but to be able to lead people in worship. I have a lot to learn and am very far from being a great worship leader, but it is my desire to get there. You can read all about my journey in this area here and in my book Hope’s Journey.
If it’s not too personal, why don’t you share some of your dreams or desires with us.
The Being a Woman book and worksheets are available here.